The worst place to be is in the correctional meat grinder of the "justice" system; a close second is the prison that you presently occupy. You are searching, seeking and questing the answer which occupies you the most, internal or external gratification. Where do you put your roots down, in conceptualization or contextualization? Is your context money, the riches to attain the "toys" that you favor; or is it the concept of being whole with your surroundings, community -dancing with the one who brought you." OK! think about the commitment needed to do what you want to do, attain the desired ends to foster your enlightenment. For, as you already know, it does not matter which way you go; you are going to be anxious over your situation: the prison of maintaining your "toys,"work. In the India of days gone by, the Rajah gave you a present of the sacred elephant; thereafter it is your religious duty to tend to this elephant's needs. It was a way in which the Rajah kept you tethered to your place of importance. IT cost you more to tend to the needs of the elephant than it cost you to run your kingdom. The deity is denied no pleasure, be it dominating or submissive in nature. This is because you are supposed to spread your DNA around; copulating with each other on a socially hierarchical quest. The idea is that the more people that are indebted to you for favors offer, privileges are given to you in return, a "privilege" is what you want, your wish. For example, if you will please remember when you were 11 to 12 years old and your hormones came flooding in on to the scene; you know that everybody's body was in transition but not everybody's brain was in the same place. So each made out what it could from this affair of self actualization, this is your "program." It's the app that you picked up along the way; each app is there to do a different thing. Only, the problem you have is that your app is out dated for the climate you are in today. Yes, you are no longer 11 or 12 years old, but your programming is dated in the romance of your cohort.