Sunday, July 27, 2014

"lost"

I am what I am because I never knew myself; so, now who am I?  I'm the empty space between the place that I wish I had visited, the way that I was not nurtured. So, what am I saying? I'm saying that I did not understand that I was responsible for whom I would become because I was too busy with life's business - meaning life can come at you without deference to your needs, a place setting for you at life's table. You cannot guide yourself if you do not understand that the space you are occupying at the moment is in conflict with, or in confluence with forces outside of your control. In my case, due to errant socialization which lacked positive exposure to the meaning of personal participation, I did not know that I was doing an injustice to myself. For I never knew that there was a meaning to life other than to survive- however life's "Helter Skelter" was streaming in my direction - like I supposed a skier might run into a mogul patch made up from those who previously traversed the trail's slope. The caveat to it is that in life someone else is always trying to deliberately create the mogul patch where, on the sky slope, the mogul is groomed to allow you the opportunity to enjoy the pleasure of recreation - wherein life moguls are designed to trap you and contain you so that you will conform to someone else's sense of exhilaration. Maybe you can think about it as if you were here as a slave to someone's sense of right verses wrong without a road map giving you directions to their promised land. For example, when I was young I could not join the Boy's Club because I was a Catholic, not protestant. If I wanted to join some thing it had to be the Catholic understanding of socialization -C.Y.O. Catholic Youth Organization. To me, this was a crock of "shit" because there was no love in my family; the only love on the street was the love of money and the driving force to attain what it could buy - material things, booze and sex. Please, I should say that my exposure to life was a "farce" driven by the inadequate sense of self. If we go back in time to when I was growing up,  Black guys were going to jail for being "entrepreneurial" about marijuana; yet today, the political elites want to get entrepreneurial with the "marketing" of marijuana. What a different life's experience those black entrepreneurial marijuana "marketing" business men "could have enjoyed," Yes!  How about if we never outlawed marijuana "ganja" like we outlawed alcohol - do you think that the young people who were imprisoned for their attempt at free market capitalism would have had a different experience than being "cum dumps" in some southern style concentration camp run by the religious right.