Saturday, August 30, 2014

Over!

This is last night's setting sun setting over the Ashley River upon whose river banks I reside. Yes! Nature is very captivating to say the least because one's emotions could get tangled up with their misunderstandings. Do we want the day to end; or, do we want to hold on to its familiar pathways blessing us in "sin?" Also, I do want to remind everyone that just around the corner there is an establishment called the "wild joker," a N. Charleston "titty bar" where the same sun is setting in its remembrance as well. But there you could get bathed in real "sin." All my remembrance is over Charlestown landing, the home of the first settlers in the neighborhood. All of these descendents are from pirates because Charleston is and has always been a place for the underworld to meet and prosper; that is to say, "if you got the money 'honey,' I got the time." But I am there too, only I do not know what I was thinking or even the fact that I did indeed think; it could be that I just reacted to the way things unfolded around me. To me my life is over as the day is over because I question my memory's epistemic value, how truthful are my thoughts. For example,  my memories could have shifted when I was emotionally traumatized by the state of S.C., dramatizing its effect.  For sure!  Depression and suicide became the parallel tracks that took me through prison, then into 5 years of mental health therapy, "fucking" torture. Yes! for 5 years I had to attend weekly group meetings for mental health sessions with Charleston County mental health division of  S.C. The idea was to indoctrinate me into admitting that I was a "rapist" when in fact there never was a "rape." Than they put a target on my back when S.C. listen me as a "rapist" living in Charleston at 22 Bennett st. Talk about negative reinforcement. Now we are all different but I simply could not hold back the fear any longer; therefore, to survive I lost all sense of self in the moment of surviving my daily toxic environment including my memories. So that on some occasions, I question the memory at hand because it seems to have come from a vicarious source such as a book or T.V. What is truth & what is fiction. Also, when you have gone through mental trauma it is not unusual for memories to be lost. So, you see sometimes a picture can be deceiving when you do not understand the composition of the picture; Yes! I the "voyeur" am taking the picture because it is my only evidence of the moment: this is what I know; this is what I saw. Here is the picture: The individual interacts with others in relation to their past relations with people, their experiences; if all of the reinforcement has been negative, where can the positive behavior come from? It must come from positive reinforcement: Please remember to imagine your thought's environment in relation to others so that you can bring about your ideas, to get your needs met. Really! Learning takes place when the brain understands the meaning behind the desired action to be taken to bring about the desired behavior.