Thursday, May 22, 2014

Solipsistic

I have come to the conclusion that I am different things as I entertain our differences. I love it because their are more pieces to the puzzle. My pieces, your pieces make up the possibilities of the moment. What is our object other than to "suspend disbelief" as they say in the Theater.  Well how do you do this when the fantasy held begins to crumble and morph itself into a viable moment? Mental gender bending is best kept in the abstract, not acted upon. For example, when I was in the "icicle garden" I saw males acting as females and holding other males in sway. In therapy I choose to wander down this path because my therapist wanted me to explore those possibilities. She believed that my headaches stem from sexual trauma while in prison. So when you are playing out your fantasy on Craigslist as a form of therapy, you can be anyone you wish to be; you can be a gender bender or a cross dresser as well as a "lesbo." No offense, if I were a girl in real life I do believe that I would or could be a Lesbian. So playing a girly guy who wants to be with the boys and dress like a girl playing "homo." You can sense this can be like the shifting sands of the many deserts you will cross through in therapy. You must speak to all of the suspicions feeling, lurking around in your mind's eye. Naughty! Naughty! Thoughts percolating after you were told not to think about it. You did not know what it was until they said no to it. Now you have to think about it because they mentioned it. Yes! You found it; it does have a special purpose too. Imagination gives you the opportunity to be what you want to be, all in the safety of self. Why should you listen to this fear being preached about the possibilities of "suspending disbelief" and wandering off the reservation with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a "white boy" in the other. Fucking A!  I'm on the war path and I'm taking scalps.