Starting over...!

Each person is unique; this is true.  But some have been denied the opportunity to learn because their environment had been convoluted with opportunities that are lacking; for, their opportunities lack the challenge needed to learn.
I have a blog called the BlackMarket.Me.  This is where I conduct my thoughts. Yes! Each day to at least five times a week I compose a line or two to my diary.  So it is made up of three components: title, picture, and dialogue. Sometimes, you will find that the influence of these are out of wack. Yes! This is daily meditation, psychobabble!  But they come from the same source - therapy sessions!  SO each title, picture or dialogue are to be seen as independent contributors to the compositions like syncopation.  Also there is the trial - the dialogue put out by the State - their testimony, their perjury.  You can also join with me to form this labor union because it is all about "JOBS."  www.TheBlackMarket.me "The Iciclegarden" is where you make your mark.

Reflection: It might help others to process their own dilemma through understanding my dilemma. This is why I am throwing my story into the mix. I never click in; I just float by  This is how it is.  It is a thing about who is in control? The individual or the State?  In my case, it is the State.  It is an issue about labor; the State controls Labor. This is why I need a union. Unions have the power of arbitration.  This is what I need; I need to bring the State to arbitration.  I want to document my case with the State's documents -full disclosure.  The State is dysfunctional because it is frigid except to corruption - the State's function is one of elitism, social power held by religious superstitions, formal as well as informal tendencies.

S.O.S. shit on a stick...!

Think about recovery -recovering one's self as if the phoenix were rising. It is the brain's equilibrium: between states of reason. Recovery is the process of understanding that even if you do not need recovery, your memory will most likely be waning because over time, absent excitation, it becomes more difficult to retrieve it from memory. It's inhibited from long term memory because you are giving it a negative connotation toward retrieval. There is a saying out & about that says it quite well: "Out of site out of mind." This saying describes memory quite accurately, short term memory anyways.  Dissonance is the result of not being whole because your mind is not set on excitation; it's battling inhibition. Therefore, you are out of step with your environment because you are not working in your own best interest; the expression is "self best interest." So! In recovery the process is understanding that there is no one individual; all brains are individual -independent variables, like cars on the 'highway' of life. OK! Now, there is one big pit fall to recovery because the society from which you fell has this "Humpty Dumpty" attitude, meaning you can never put the pieces back together again unless you capitulate to some preconceived notion about socialization minus your uniqueness or individuality. Just like "Humpty Dumpty who had a great fall but all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again." So this is the moment in therapy where you face the fact that revising the past can help recovery because the memories existing behind one's state of mind tell you where your energy is being spent, most of it in the repressing mode because the context behind the memory was being inhibited. Yes! Your brain's system is a simple one; it works on the model of excitation or inhibition. This is how the community of ideas within in your mind as well as the community of people at large coexist. For example, the more you inhibit your actions, the greater the loss there is to response cost, like fear inhibiting action where as joy promotes it. You see, when it comes to fear your body will go into automatic reaction; it will fight or run away; it's in your DNA. Yes! It is true that the community at large coexists of shared values but for whose value, in most cases, it has been corrupted and co-opted, eschewed in some esoteric privilege amongst the elites in power. It's their moral construct just like the clerk of courts in one of the Southern states declared that it was against her moral and religious character to be part of such a religious ceremony as the marriage between two people of the same gender simply because her name was on the court document. She went to jail for her actions but the religious right came out in force to defend her action. For them, the law is the law when it concurs with their understanding of the law, not as the law is written. So, you see that recovery is all about picking up the pieces of "Humpty Dumpty," putting back the pieces that you can, doing a -little 'Frankenstein' seeing how well the pieces fit into a unified whole. The key to therapy is hoping that you will never run out of reasons for being in therapy; otherwisewho else is there for you to laugh with about your past behavior other than yourself. Side bar: eat those pieces of "Humpty Dumpty" and shit them out the next day, creating a new whole new 'Frankenstein' to play around with and enjoy.
     

Stlye...!

On the cheap: OK! This could be a tale of two minds; "like a tale of two cities." One with -one without.  This is just "style" -you know! If you are going to be building something -in my case a 'fort' in and amongst the trees -anything - there are certain components at hand as well as their expenses; for example, yesterday my contractor said that it did not matter how much he was hauling in the truck bed any day of the year; he still drove the truck around at twenty miles per gallon...maybe if he had a full load he would get eighteen miles per gallon. Meaning! "it does not really make a difference when digging & running one or more holes into the ground for utilities because that is what a hole-digger does" when you are using one to did holes. For example, my wife is building an addition onto an outbuilding which will become sleeping quarters for guests: their bathroom. It needs electricity, water and a source for heat & air. Now! at the same time I'm building a project of my own. I'm building a wood shed to house my imagination, a place to evolve; as well as store some eight cords of fire wood for the winter's fires. Anyway! Now I have a water line running into the shed as well as electricity because, "you had to pay for the hole-digger anyway -one hole or five holes." It all comes down to the possibilities. What do I mean? If you are going to build something add into it its evolution. You know! After a while the room becomes smaller and smaller - you wished you had made room for -other things.  "Style"  is all about space in this example. OK! I'm coveting with my roof 7 times more floor space than her roof at ten cents on the dollar; it's just a way of looking at things. My shed's floor space is #473 sq. ft to her bathroom's floor space of 64 sq. ft.  My shed is open to fresh air; her bathroom is open to various scents, all of which I leave up to your imagination. Now, why am I telling this tale? Because, when I was telling Gracie, my niece through marriage, this morning about my fantasy -my project; she understood to it to mean that I got it on the "cheap." Where, what I meant was that I did not have to pay myself for my contribution. For there were only two of us doing the work, I and the guy whom I paid to be the boss; his name is Tommy; he is 68 years old, still sailing with the wind; his sails catching the wind like my roof's tin. I'm 73 myself, still on a "horse with no name" as they said some- where many years ago.
        

Behind the scenes....!

Every thing depends on a point of view. You know!  Today every one seems to believe that the insurrection in the Middle East between & within controlling forces will lead to some sordid outcome if Iran gets the "bomb." Maybe! Just maybe this is not their point of contention. The conflict at hand is the 'missionary highway' scare as many as possible so that they will leave as refugees, landing on the shores of Europe & the Americas - spreading the word of the prophet, Mohammed. The Middle Eastern mind knows that it has to participate with a higher power than itself. For example, there are two bulls up on the hill admiring the lady cows in the pasture, one young & one old. The young bull said to the old bull, "Let's run down the hill and get a little bit of tail. to which the old bull replied, "Let's walk down the hill and get all the "tail." The point is quite simple- at least from my point of view. The West is a young bull; the East is old bull. Now! The refugees of the East are walking down the hill, into the pastures of Western Civilization as refugees migrate away from ISIS's war on the Middle East. This is what Iran's Shia mind set is all about, proselytizing as a way of showing faith in Islam. They have grown from #100,000 to 10,000,000 over the past decades. Having a large family is a way of showing faith to Islam. Sidebar: the X-bar on western mindset is 2 children per family, where as their mindset tends to idealize 8 eight off springs to spread the faith of Islam. Islam does not want accommodation between God of the East & the God of the West - Jesus & Allah. These are the only two religions -that I know about- who profess that their God is the absolute God; you might say, each believes that their God is supreme. So their goal is to assimilate the World's population under Islam -bringing the Land under Muslim control. To them, there will be no place to migrate to: because you too have a need to be a disciple of Islam .
     

Story of 'it...'

It is the face of effort! This face of mine: But it has this adverse effect upon others when incurring physical strength such as attempting to lift up a young woman who is asking me to roll her over and raise her up at the same time because she desires me. This is a very creative move that she is asking me to perform. She expects me to accomplish this with a smile on my face. Who the fuck knows. You Know! This act of lustful play that young people get involved with- these scenes that one sees on the "silver screen." Yes! She was frightened by my feeble attempt to raise her up and turn her over as we copulated. Fucking -A! Side bar: It is its- it is the same as It's its it; as you know, it is just one of life's conundrums. One moment two people were in tender embrace making love their own caring way. Yes! it was my best attempt to lift her while I was on my knees, looking down upon her. My desire was so strong that its rage reflecting upon my face as a monster over his prey. She grabbed her clothes and ran out the door facing the beach, Myrtle Beach. I'm sorry that she was so heavy. You know! It required all of my strength to do what she asked me to do; only in the movies where everything is choreographed, even a smiling gymnast turning the lady over so that he and she could make eye contact. This is where all the pretty faces are; I'm not one of them. I'm not a pretty face. I'm a master of rhetoric. I know this because that is how another lady visiting Myrtle Beach described me before she bedded me down on Myrtle beach. Now! The difference between two moments of intimacy is simple; There was no effort on my part, my side of the equation, because I was a silver tongued devil -Dream Merchant- master of rhetoric. You see, no one was asking me to lift up 'dead weight' while I was on my knees. Because "You can't get there from here" while you are playing on Myrtle Beach. And! Besides that, 'myrtle beach' is in the wrong state; it's in the emotional quagmire of Southern judgement, do as I say not  as I do.
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Alien...within...!

What is it about therapy that the therapist doesn't understand? Maybe it is that the metaphor being used is ambiguity -on fire. At best, when you reduce emotion to words, one needs to remember that words have different meanings according to one's audience or their context. For example, the voting list contains names of the participants,  those voting. Yes! You got it; this list is made up of words. It is these voters who choose the government; but they do not choose its management. Therein lies the ambiguity of meaning behind the intended concept or idea - by the people, for the people.... This is like the relationship between minds, therapist & client - you being the client. Now, the beauty you have with the therapist is based upon them enjoying the 'shit' of remembrance you pass on to them during visits. OK! If I cut to the chase, the voter is the shareholder in the marketplace of Ideas. For example, the idea based upon attaining a negative tax base, minimum tax preferred, as well as getting all of your common needs met if only you vote for them -self best interest is the name of the game. But the question is: Can I believe the messenger's words? You KNOW! All therapists are messengers anyway. So! What is the point? It is being one with self -floating somewhere between self best interest of the moment & continuity which your therapist is 'hoping' for your self best interest is their self best interest. Do no harm by understanding that there are many ways in which the disciple, voter, client & therapist choose their construct. You Know! A good therapist is not your friend because the persona occupying you at this moment needs to die -this is not your best interest, but you have proven over and over that you are never in your best interest because therapy is customer centered. As it is said; it's the curse of the Irish to chase the end of the rainbow because this is where their therapist's Leprechaun grants them their wishes, a pot of gold comes to mind.
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Reflection...!

It was a thrill to meander threw the "rants & raves" section on Craigslist yesterday because there in the Asheville, NC, I found a posting titled "Answer." Now if you ever want to feel good about yourself; then I suggest that you gander at or peruse through them; read them so that you know that you are not alone for you have found a community which you can relate to and reflect on. Yes! All that and even more if you dub the cape of creativity in the form of an online avatar. SO! What was so thrilling? Well, I wrote a blog for The Black Market.me called "Bar...fly...!" And I'm on Craigslist out of South West Va. where I hit on a post called "Answer" which originated out of Asheville, only to find my post with a new name. Yes! Someone used my post -verbatim but gave it a different title:"Answer" They even used my web site for any comments on the post. OK, you might ask, why are you so excited? Well now I know that at least one person read and understood what I was trying to communicate. Anyway I sent off a comment to his post saying, "very interesting, do you mind elaborating?"  The reply came back, "the raleigh boyz are at it." So now I know that the -raleigh boyz- are passing me on to new frontiers just like in "Star Trek."What is the point? This is the point. Donald -while running for the Presidency- said that he knew the meaning of 'fair,' what it is all about, just like the rest of us do. To me that sounds like the pornography argument. " I know it when I see it" OK! let's think about the consequences of our actions. Then I say that the prison experience will pervert the mind of the individual. What does that mean? I is the meaning of 'fair' in society.  Now when I say perversion, I mean that the mind will never be the same; the prison experience is eat or be eaten; this is on a good day. I know as far as my prison experience; I died of fear because I never knew if they were going to attack or not. I was never comfortable because I was strip searched more days than not during my incarceration.  Let me tell you what fair is: verbatim -word for word- the raleigh boyz were fair with me; they just nicknamed me the 'Answer' not "Bar...fly...!"  And! this I can live with because it helps to get me out and about.